As you can probably guess, since you’ve found my divorce coaching website, I’m divorced. I mean, what kind of divorce coach would I be if I hadn’t gone through it myself? Like everyone else who gets married, divorce obviously wasn’t part of my plan. But if you’re reading this, you, too, know that life doesn’t always turn out exactly how you thought it would.
Many moons ago, I grew up in New York City, went to college, and moved to Los Angeles to become an actress. And amazingly, I did pretty well! I became a member of the Groundlings comedy improv troupe, which led to appearances on Seinfeld, Friends, Two and a Half Men, and a whole bunch of other shows. And for five seasons, I co-starred as one of the "meanie moms" on The New Adventures of Old Christine with Julia Louis Dreyfus. I got married just a few years out of college, and I had two amazing daughters a few years later. I felt pretty lucky if I do say so myself.
It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be married forever, once I got married, that is. I wasn’t the “I’ve always dreamed of walking down the aisle” kind of gal. But when I married my ex-husband at 25, I, like everyone else, assumed it was until death did us part. As it turns out, death did not do the parting. In 2014, nineteen years into my marriage, trying to hang onto my acting career, raising my two girls, a slightly demented dog and a cat with bladder issues, I discovered in an instant that my marriage was over.
The early days, weeks, and months of my separation were fueled by adrenaline (and a solid amount of chardonnay). I was terrified and weirdly exhilarated at the same time. I hadn’t planned on my marriage ending in that particular moment. But still, I had to admit to myself that it hadn’t been great for a long time. Everything happened so fast, and I was basically flying by the seat of my pants. The only thing I knew for certain was that it was my job to make sure my daughters were okay. They were barely 12 and 14 and heading into the turbulent waters of middle school and high school. That’s hard enough without your parents getting divorced. But I am their mom, and my job was to protect them and keep them as stable as I could under the circumstances. And years later, I am pretty proud to say I did just that. They’re both young adults, out in the world, and thriving. (*insert parenting humblebrag here...)
Aside from that, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I was just putting one foot in front of the other. In case you hadn’t noticed, there is no “How to Get Divorced” guide that tells you exactly how to get divorced and come out the other side. (hmm, now there’s an idea…) And I had so many terrifying, unanswered questions…
How do I find a lawyer?
How am I going to support myself and my kids?
Do we have to move?
Where would we move to?
How do I know whom to trust with my finances?
How am I going to pay for all this?
And those were just the logistical questions I asked during the waking hours. Nighttime was a whole different ball of wax. Those questions came at 3am as I lay there staring at the ceiling filled with white hot terror.
Who will I be when I’m not a wife anymore?
What if I never work again?
How am I ever going to go on a date?
What if I’m alone and single forever?
What if I end up a shriveled old woman living on the street and begging for change on the freeway offramp??
I was so lucky to have an incredible network of friends who helped support me during the early weeks and months of my separation and divorce. But during the really challenging times, I sometimes felt like a burden. And aside from the emotional support I required, I had so many questions, and I had no idea where to find the answers.
Listen. Divorce is a ruddy, muddy, bumpy, dusty, unpaved road laden with potholes and puddles and detours and wild things that dart in front of your car out of nowhere. It can be terrifying sometimes, and a thrilling, catch-air kind of Indiana Jones ride other times. But if your tires are low on air, you only have one headlight, and your windshield wipers don’t work, it’s going to be a much tougher ride.
I found the answers to all my questions eventually, as everyone does. But I remember wishing I had something or someone to help me navigate the process legally, financially, logistically, and yes, emotionally. Not to beat a dead metaphor, but what I was missing was GPS. I am now a blissfully, happily divorced CDC® Certified Divorce Coach. Your divorce GPS, if you will. There is so much waiting for you at the end of that road. Let me help you get there in one piece.
I believe that everyone has the power to rewrite their own story. Do you want your divorce to be painful, mean, ugly, and bitter? Of course you don't. And you can't control everything or everyone during the process. But you get to decide how and who you want to be. I know from my own experience that taking the high road was really challenging sometimes, but it was always worth it. I want you to walk away from this chapter in your life knowing you did the best you possibly could for yourself and your family. My job is to help you do that. And that's why I do what I do.
As a divorce coach, I specialize in helping parents whose goal is to have a healthy family dynamic AFTER divorce. I'm here not to replace your attorney or therapist or financial planner. I'm here to help you work more efficiently with them. Nor am I here to tell you what to do or how to do it. You get to decide that. My job is to help you make the best decisions for yourself so that you can move through and out of your marriage into a new life filled with possibility. You can do this. And I'm here to do it with you.